For almost three years I have been charting my journey of restoring my home, a 1924 Cape Cod styled house, located in Camp Washington of Cincinnati, OH. Now I’m going personal; I’m going to share my journey of restoring my natural hair. I’ve made the decision to let my perm grow out. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for awhile. My perm was expensive, over $125 every six weeks, so cost savings was one consideration. I was tired of the scalp burns caused by the chemical. I seldom would tell my stylist that the relaxer was burning because I wanted my hair as straight as possible. I want to enjoy my steam shower without thinking about messing up my freshly styled hair.

Me and Mom ToddlerI have never cared for my hair in its natural state. Prior to my perm my mom or relative did my hair or I was getting a press and curl by Ms. Scott in this huge house located in Avondale. Ms. Scott did hair in her basement and I can remember me and my cousin Detra being dropped off and left for hours on Saturdays. I wish my mom were still alive so I could ask her why she agreed to let me get a perm. At 55-years-old, reflecting back on my childhood, I know for me it was a desire to have “white people” hair. Let me share a bit of my childhood.

I grew up in Forest Park, which was a predominantly white community when we moved there. I can remember starting Girl Scouts, as a Brownie, and as the only Black in my first troop having other girls not want to hold my hand. I remember them pulling their sweaters sleeves down to act as a barrier K-3between mine and theirs. I lived in Forest Park, but from K-3 attended Sands Elementary in downtown Cincinnati with my mother where I was in a non-graded classroom with mostly Black kids. I had two wonderful teachers Phyllis Gaston, who was Black, and Jennifer Cottingham, who was white, that I cherish to this day. Mrs. Gaston is deceased and I’d love to find Mrs. Cottingham again and hope she is still living.  For 4th Grade Classfourth grade my parents enrolled me in my neighborhood school, Forest View School. I was placed in the classroom of a white woman, Mrs. Smith who did not like nor want to teach Black children. My parents had me removed from her class mid-year, but I went from loving school to hating it and that pretty much never changed throughout the rest of my time in Forest Park. I most certainly never had another Mrs. Gaston or Mrs. Cottingham.

I didn’t know what “red lining” was as a child, but we lived in the “H” section of Forest Park; apparently the section where it was acceptable for Black families to live. My parents decided to build a house on Inner Circle, a Homearama street. I can remember racial slurs being written on the foundation and sabotage being done to the plumbing by a kid that lived on the street, Eric Price, because his family and others felt Black families should not live on that street. Thankfully countering that ill will was a Jewish family that also lived on the street, the Lukins. They welcomed us with a tray of magic bar cookies. I’m still friends with them today and whenever I make magic bars I use butterscotch morsels instead of nuts because that is how Mrs. Lukin made them. I shared these these experiences of my childhood because, for a lack of a better phrase, they didn’t cause me to not want to be Black or not like myself for being Black. It taught me that there are good white folks and bad. However that changed the summer I went to a horse camp in Zanesville, OH, Mormon Valley Farm Camp.

CornrowsAs with most Black girls that go to camp, my mother had my hair braided in cornrows, so I wouldn’t have to deal with it for the two weeks I’d be there. I think I was the first Black camper they ever had and most of those kids acted like they had never seen a Black kid before.  Some probably hadn’t. At Sands I went to school with a girl named Zenith, so I never got teased for having a unique name like Venus. I think I heard every possible planet joke ever created in that two weeks. My hair and its style became a source of ridicule so severe that I wore a hat at all times; even slept in it. It was a Christian camp, so we prayed at every meal and I wouldn’t remove it then either. I can remember some boy campers telling counselors that I had to take it off during prayer, but my counselor stepped to my defense to say that was a rule for males, not females, so I didn’t have to. It wasn’t all bad (I never went back), but it left scars and created the desire for me to want “white people” hair and not like my name. 

I can’t remember saying to my mom “I want hair like white people”. I’m quite confident she wouldn’t have done it for that reason. I was getting heavy into sports, and press and curls just don’t last long on a hot, sweaty, summer day, so around age 12 and routinely for the last 40+ years I’ve gotten my hair relaxed. Since Covid-19 hit I’ve only curled my hair 2 or 3 times. I have a great stylist that cuts it in a fashion that allows me to wash, mold set it, and wear it flat with my bangs down, without curling, and still look like I have a style especially within the first few weeks of a perm. Like I said in the opening paragraph I’ve been thinking about going natural for awhile. This country’s latest civil unrest brought about by the murder of George Floyd started me reflecting on growing up Black in this country and remembering my reasoning for wanting a perm. My natural hair most certainly isn’t the problem, so May 1 was the last time my head has seen relaxer and the journey to transition has begun.

I know it’s going to be a difficult journey. I read that human hair grows approximately 1/2″ every month, so the vision I have for how I want to wear my hair is at least 9-12 months away and I don’t even know if I have the type of hair that will allow that vision to transpire. I know I have Type 4 hair, but a, b, or c is the million dollar question. At my last hair appointment, when I announced I was going natural, 4 weeks ago, my stylist trimmed up the back, so my hair at my neck line is natural. I know at some point the relaxed, straight hair on top of my head will have to be cut off as it will be weaker than my natural hair and start to break. At that point bangs won’t be an option, so I’ve started washing my hair and combing it back just to get use to not having hair on my face.

I’m also making an effort to always wear earrings and I plan to get some bigger, light weight, hoops. I get mistaken for a man, a lot already, so I know the early stages of the transition is going to open the flood gates to me routinely hearing….Can I help you sir. I don’t plan to wear my natural hair short, but it’s my only option in the beginning. I shared this news with my father who quickly quipped, so you want to wear your hair like a boy. NO, but it’s going to be part of the journey and I don’t consider women with natural hair cut short with trying to be a boy. I grew my permed hair out for the first term of the Obama Presidency. Michelle was such an inspiration, but for their second term I quickly cut it short again as I don’t have her style team or income and long hair I found harder to maintain. I’ve worn my hair short for decades, so who knows, but if you call me a boy expect to be cursed out.

My goal is to commit to this process for at least one full year without caving in, so April 30, 2021 will be the evaluation day. Proper hair care products I know will be the key, so I have started this journey with Pattern Beauty, @PATTERNBEAUTY, the new Black Care hair line by Tracee Ellis Ross. For years I’ve been using another Black hair care line, Dudley Hair Care Products (my stylist is a Dudley Salon), but I stumbled across the Pattern line of products searching the Internet for articles about transitioning to natural hair. One of her blog post was a Hair Story Spotlight by Adriane Jamison. It provided great tips, so I decided to invest in her hydration shampoo, Intensive Conditioner (which I love applying while taking a steam shower), leave-in condition (I wet/rinse my hair about every other day to keep that look you see above and I apply the leave-in each time), and jojoba oil hair serum, which I also apply every time I wet it. I also got her wide tooth comb. As soon as I get some decent length, I want to try her shower brush too. The video she created for that is a riot.

It’s amazing to me how many of my friends and family are already wearing their hair natural. I was at a friend’s house for the 4th and at least 5 of the ladies there were natural and they gave me great advice also, the biggest of which is not to be a product whore. Although not a brand, they recommended the same type products that I already bought, so this first year I’m going to commit to Pattern Beauty. My followers know I tend to “drink the coolaid”. HGTV can do no wrong, Chip and Joanna Gaines can do no wrong, well Tracee Ellis Ross and her first released single, Love Myself, from her movie the High Note, has become my personal anthem. The song is my phone’s ringtone and I tend to deliberately not answer calls until I hear these lyrics: I don’t really care if everybody likes me, I just want to love myself, love myself.

In two weeks I have my next hair appointment. So far I’m seeing no breakage with my Pattern Beauty product usage, but I think I’m going to cut off the permed hair anyway. I feel like I’m wasting good product on my relaxed strands. Stay tuned.

15 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing your story. Wish you the best with going natural with your hair and keep your post updated. I know it is going to look great!

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  2. Hi, Venus:

    When I first started reading your latest entry and you stated that you were restoring your natural hair, I thought that you meant that you were becoming gray really earlier. I’m glad that’s not the case and I think it would be neat if you chronicled your hair journey the way you have your house. I hope you’re doing well. I love what you’ve done with the house.

    Cheers, Loretta

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    1. That’s the plan. The house is so close to total completion, I needed a new journey to write about. With my mother dying so young I don’t know how I will gray, so I’m looking forward to seeing that as part of the process. I’m sure once I cut it off it will be much more visible.

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  3. Venus, I had no idea that you had such bad experiences in school. I just knew you hated it. I’m glad to hear about your decision to go natural. I have often mourned the fact that Black women go through so much to make their hair straight. Down here in Charleston a lot of women wear wigs which seems like it would be unbearably hot and itchy.

    I wish I had been there to kick the asses of those kids who made you want “white” hair. Or were afraid to touch your hands. I especially want to smack that bitch Mrs. Smith. I wish that I could say that times have changed, but there are still way too many people with the same attitudes today. Maybe the next generation will be better?

    Power on girl!

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    1. You were truly one of the positives, so I’m glad we’ve reconnected. I was a “THUG” (the hate you give) in many of my teacher’s eyes and I struggled with it, sometimes acting in ways that reinforced their negative views of me. I worked with Mrs. Kogan, science from middle school, at a square dance convention in 2017 and one of the first things she said to me was she had concerns that I’d ever amount to much, but was happy to see me doing so well. It was a gut punch that transported me back. The child me didn’t know what was happening, the adult me had to bite my tongue.

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  4. So…..Everytime I think about what happened to you growing up, I start to cry and I get really pissed off. I am so sorry that happened, and wish I could have been there for you then. Hope you know that I am here for you now if you need me. My friend, that lives in Kentucky, and is a teacher, has been wearing her hair natural for a while. I think she likes it and I thought it looked great when I saw her about a year ago. BTW, I enjoyed “The Shower Brush Video”:)
    Looking forward to following your hair journey.

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    1. And stop crying! You should be beaming with joy that you were one of the good white folks. From day one you and your family treated me and my family with respect and kindness. The only mistake you guys made was leaving me and moving to Wyoming, LOL.

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